I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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