wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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