Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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