Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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