Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
