8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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