my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
