you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
