you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
