my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
