Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ok first of all what the fuck
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
