textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
