the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
