At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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