He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
