Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
