he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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