just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
