Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
