just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
