Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
