Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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