As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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