guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
