He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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