I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
