i think i have two assholes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
