Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
