she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
