I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
