I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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