Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
