Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
