I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
