areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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