I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
