i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
