i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
