so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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