I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
