How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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