at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
