is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
