Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
