I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
