I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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