just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
