I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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