So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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