Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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