Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
