Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dick very happy bro
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
