That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
