bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
