Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
