Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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