Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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