her vagine was all disorganized.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
