Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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