You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
